Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
