im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
