You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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