I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
