I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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