do herpes really smell.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
