the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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