I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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