im six kinds of drunk right now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
