My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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