so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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