grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
