You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
