she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
