I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize