I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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