Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
