Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
