I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize