sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
