escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
