Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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