: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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