i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
