Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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