I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
