i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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