if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
