question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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