I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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