Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
