if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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