Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
