You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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