Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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