her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
