i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
