I need help removing her.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
