did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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