I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
