you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
there is glitter all over my balls
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