We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
