Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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