Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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