I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
