Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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