I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
