my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
