i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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