So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
