Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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