Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
