I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
