Your tits are I can't wait for
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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