I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
