I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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