Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
