dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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