I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
