I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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