Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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