he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
