You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize