just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
