I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
