The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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