Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
