i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
