i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
