how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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