she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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