he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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