I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
