Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
