I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
