ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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