She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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