Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
