Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
