I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Be still, my beating vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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