At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
