my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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