Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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