Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
