Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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