Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
