Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
