I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
