I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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