I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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