i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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