I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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