My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
