just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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