Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
