okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
